I Want to be A Better Person
by shiroigardenia
Summary: Rin knew their relationship was just going to pull them deeper into the pit of sinfulness, so there's no other way but to end everything quickly./kinda plotless/oneshot


This is actually an original fiction, but LR fandom have been pretty quiet lately, so I think I just have to edit this into a ff to add more story to the LR archive.

 **I Want to be A Better Person**

I sat in a corner of a coffee shop, my hands gripping around the white cup filled with cappuccino with a slightly trembling fingers. The cup was warm, but I felt every single of my fingers were like clinging onto an iceberg. Numb and frozen. I shifted my gaze to the side, where the wide shop's window gave me the view of the town's street. A lot of people were walking with umbrellas in their hands. Being opened under the gloomy weather, to me they were no different with the gray clouds moving slowly in the sky.

I ponder in my silence, then scanned the situation around me. There were businessmen and women sitting while talking about their jobs, flocks of university students chatting and laughing as if this place was their own, and then, some couple whom looked like they came here just to enjoy their date.

Was it the rain that making me felt so cold? Or was it...

"Hey, sorry I'm kinda late. That damned boss gave me some troublesome errands!"

I blinked to the voice, found him standing at the side of the table, giving me the most beautiful smile. I tried to smile back at him while he was sitting across me then took the menu. He threw a slight glance to my cappuccino and back to read through the list of those various beverages.

"Only cappuccino? You usually ordered for a bunch of mocca ice cream."

"It's raining."

"Said someone who eats ice cream in the middle of winter."

I laughed wryly, biting my lips while keeping my eyes to the surface of my coffee. It was still untouched, the chocolate granule topping was completely intact. Until I decided to just speak up, carefully looking straight to him,

"Len, I... have been thinking of something lately."

He looked as if this was going to be an ordinary talk, where I told him everything about my struggle towards the people around me and myself, the struggle because they judged me for my brave, wild and rebellious ways of thinking, which suppressed me so much I started to doubt myself. And then he came to my life. Ensuring me that nothing's wrong with the _wild me_. He told me that I was just being honest, not like the others who acted like they were pure, innocent souls that actually hide something sinful and wicked behind their mask of innocence.

If I had to tell the truth, the way he looked so casual made me nervous even more. So I thought it would be better if I do this as fast as possible.

"I think you're a very nice person," I said sincerely, making him suddenly turned his gaze to me. He laughed,

"Hey, what's wrong with you? It feels like as if you just met me yesterday," he chuckled. And I can't help but felt my hand gripping tighter around the coffee cup in my hand. I knew I didn't have to respond to his question and continued,

"You know, I like you very much. I think you're the only one who can understand me," I stared into his eyes, enduring the tremors that almost paralyzing my lips, "But, you aren't the one who can make me to be a better person."

He frowned, laying aside the coffee shop menu and gave me his full attention,

"What's with all of this nonsense?"

A sudden pain suddenly choked my throat,

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I avoided his eyes, because if I try to look into those beautiful orbs then I might want to take my words back, which only will weaken my resolution, "I love you. But I've had enough. We should stop dating. I can't be with you anymore."

He sighed. The moment he leaned back to the couch behind him with his palms covering his face, I knew he was wounded. Neither of us had something to say for a while, for the seconds of complete silence he might be still trying to guess what was actually wrong, and I myself was simply loss of what to say.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, completely confused because this happened so out of the blue. "I treat you the way you want this whole time. Supporting you. Spoiling you. I don't judge you like the others. And now you are just going to dump me like this?"

"..."

"You know I will never get someone like you anymore. And you know you will never meet someone like me too next time. We're one in a million. I'm telling you, I almost can't believe I have ever met you, Rin."

I bite the inside of my cheek,

"But, that's actually the reason."

He looked at me with a more baffled expression,

"What? Why?"

I lifted up my head, exposing my teary blue eyes to him. Enough, I have to end this quickly,

"I have to stop being so much dependent to you! I'm afraid I won't be able to stop if things keep like this!"

I took my handbag, ignoring the crowd that was staring at us right now. I don't want to cry like a child in front of him. From the beginning of our relationship I had always been the crybaby one. And now I was hurting him, and at the same time he might not know how my own words were actually agonizing me too. Deep inside, it was killing me.

"I want to be a better person," I said softly, standing up from the dark red couch. "And I hope you'd be too," I walked past him while muttering goodbye. But he grasped my wrist with a strong expression in his face, mixed by anger and pain.

"I won't let you go that easily," the situation had forced him to be the possessive type he had never been. I tried to pull my wrist from his grip and ended up begging,

"Please, please let me go."

"You are being irresponsible. You enjoyed our time together, don't you? We always think that the world will think of us badly, but we never think so about each other," he hissed, yet he weakened his grasp as I stood with my other hands wiping the tears that streamed down to my cheeks, "… don't be so hypocrite."

Hypocrite? Was I? I just want to be released from the 'dark spell' that had bound me all along, shackling, blinding me till I didn't realize I was actually crawling towards a deep, pitch black chasm full of evil creatures ready to take me to their lulling embraces. So I took a deep breath and whispered,

"I shouldn't get addicted to you."

And he let go of me. I could feel his gaze just behind my back, followed by thumping sound of his kick to the couch resulted from his anger. The coffee shop's doorbell chimed as I stepped out from the building. Leaving someone dearest, someone had been very important behind.

I walked down the streets with a mixed feelings of regrets and relieve, which I couldn't really decide whether was more dominant. I stopped walking, feeling the slowly turning into heavy rain drizzle. I smiled. It's cold. I hope I would just freeze. Right here and now. So I won't be able to feel a thing anymore. So I don't have to think about him ever again.

"This is how it should be."

Yes, I've done the right thing. One step to be a better person. _I am free._ This was what I want, right? After all of those intoxicating, deceiving happy times I had been through beside him. Even though I still wonder, why I couldn't stop this empty, hollow feelings that increased in every step I took?

I held back the forcing to be released sobs at the back of my throat. I shouldn't cry. But the rain told me; _let it out, you'll feel better._ I did according to what it said. Letting all of it out to the quiet path I walked in, up to the sky.

Yet, _it didn't make me feel any better._

FIN

This fiction was unedited. I'm sorry for any errors you found in the story, critiques and suggestion will be greatly appreciated :)

About the story itself, it was actually written from my own feelings. As for the problem they had encountered in their relationship, I completely leave it to you readers to decide lol

VOCALOID isn't mine.


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